too long, too true, too funny

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM MINNESOTA WHEN...

• The weather is usually 80% of your conversation.
• When you say "down south" you're referring to Iowa.
• You call highways "freeways."
• Snow tires came standard on your car.
• You've never taken public transportation.
• 75% of your graduating high school class went to the University of Minnesota.
• "Perkins" was the only hangout option in high school.
• You assume when you say "The Cities" people know where you're talking about.
• You can list all the "-dales."
• People from other states love to hear you say words with "o"s in them.
• In a conversation you've heard someone say "yah sure, you betcha" and you didn't laugh.
• You could pinpoint exactly where each scene in the movie "Untamed Heart" was filmed.
• You hate the movie "Fargo" but realize you and your entire family have that same accent.
• You get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota.
• You know what Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.
• You have fish boiled in lye for Christmas.
• You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it properly.
• You know the 2 sports-related reasons why we hate Dallas.
• Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a MN car.
• The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks.
• You're a loyal Target shopper.
• You've frozen your tongue on a metal handrail before.
• You own an ice house, a snowmobile, and a 4 wheel drive vehicle.
• You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees outside in March, but you bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60.
• You have gone trick-or-treating in 3 feet of snow.
• You've not only walked across a lake, you've driven across one.
• Everyone you know has a cabin or, at least, access to one.
• You know that Lake Wobegon isn't real and you know who made it up, where they live, and exactly what you want to do about it.
• You have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions.
• You consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal.
• You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.
• Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
• You believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat.
• You consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course.
• You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
• You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.
• Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival."
• The temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer.
• You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire East Coast.
• You think happiness is owning a "piece of lakeshore."
• When you talk about "opener" you are not talking about cans.
• You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
• You believe that the Vikings would have won four Super Bowls by now if they were still playing in Metropolitan Stadium.
• You are convinced the Twins will never win the pennant because the owners are too cheap to pay the good players, so they all leave.
• Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
• You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
• You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
• Your gas station thinks "full service" means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers.
• You (or your parents) voted for Mondale.
• You've seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in Uptown.
• You know that everyone has a city preference -- Minneapolis or St. Paul.
• You can honestly claim Germanic / Scandinavian ancestors, and have been known to say "ya" instead of "yes".
• Upon seeing an ocean for the first time, you say, "Hey! That looks like Lake Superior!"