spider-man

(do do do do do do do do do)

Spiderman, Spiderman!

Does whatever a spider can!

A spins a WEB, any size!

Catches thieves, just like flies!

Look out! Here comes the spider-MAN!

Dude, Jason, I hope that finger (well, more like hand) of yours gets healed up quick. It's a strange

sight that looks painful (obviously).

Why does God make such strange creatures? Spiders that mutate peoples hands? Bats that fly around church sanctuaries? Skunks that live at parks? It's madness!

Yes, I actually have experienced all of those. Or, rather, experienced 66.66% of those and seen what happens when someone else experiences the other 33.33%. Let me explain.

Number one. You can probably guess what happened. If you really want to know, you can read for yourself here.

Number two. Well, two Fridays ago we (Ryan, Greg, Jac, and I) were playing in the church sanctuary when I spot a BAT flying around. I scream "THERE'S A BAT IN HERE!". Of course, no one else notices. Jac does and she also screams so we hide under the keyboard. Ryan chases it around and gets it to leave us alone and we continue playing (even though it is still wooshing past our heads). We spot more bats. So, there were three in the sanctuary. Bobbie Jo, Dave, and Jason come in and Dave and Jason run around screaming and falling on the ground while Bobbie Jo chases them, trying to get them downstairs in the fellowship hall because Greg told them to (he didn't want them to be a distraction for us). They get them downstairs and the Three Musketeers go downstairs to try and get them out of the church. Meanwhile, upstairs when we were playing, we hear many girlish screams coming from downstairs. They come back up saying that the screams were, indeed, not coming from any female and that the bats were outside, unharmed. Long story short, we saw 10 bats in the church that night. We got them all out by garbage cans. Imagine people running around with wastebaskets trying to enclose the bat into one and once that is accomplished, closing the plastic bag so the bat is trapped.

Number three. My sister Jackie and I went over to the Reini's house to go for a walk with Mike. We take along his lovely dog and head to Bennett Park to walk around. As we are walking near the old softball field, we spot a cat. We start following it, planning to let Gina run free to chase it. We get up by an old house surrounded by a bunch of junk, no cat in sight. I see about 12 grey balls of fluff running around. "Oh, look at the kittens," says the Brooke. We see the trees rustling and we see a skunk. "Oh my gosh," says Mike, "that is NOT a kitty." Being the girls that we are, Jac and I run away screaming. I get up the nerve to go back to the Mikey, standing there in awe, leash in hand. I see about 5 grown skunks. Apparently, the 12 grey balls of fluff were skunklings (what the crap are baby skunks called?). Mike is curious so he makes us walk around the trees to explore. The skunks vanish into thin air.

So, we ask ourselves, what was the soul purpose of creating these animals? They are of no use to us. Spiders just make your hands swell. Bats eat the spiders (which is good, but they also get caught in your hair). Skunks create an oh-so wonderful perfume familiar to us all. I guess we'll never know.